Dungeons & Wagons
by Library.Diarrhea
Summary: Lume tries to biuld up gill on a side quest and gain allies for his team but fails


Lume and his family decided to move. Lume had just purchased land to build a farm on, but to get there his wife and three sons would have to travel the treacherous Trail of Oregon. It was known for being unnecessarily precarious to the average traveler. Lume was below average.

Anyway, actually only west, anyway, traveling from Gate town they would cross the Methane Marshlands. From there they would navigate the Hills of Upward Slopes and Steepness. Than they would have to cross the River of… ARGHHH does it really matter. They're just going to go on this stupid arbitrary quest. It's not going to be fun. The plot will advance slowly. The character arcs will be unimaginative and in one case unrealistic. Also there will be a plethora of pointless side quests. None of this is fun, intelligent, or in any way healthy for you. Maybe go and read a book, hang out with friends, go on a date, exercise, clean the cat's litter box.

…

You decide not to listen to the narrator and continue reading this very long repetitive and unorganized wordy run on sentence that keeps running on even after you think the writer can't possibly write another word but he can even now and after the last "and" but not now.

Shut up. Lume decided to get his belongings together and begin his journey. SIDE QUEST! All of a sudden Lume realized he didn't have more than twenty four coins and only the cloths on his back. His wife had a bag over her face; thank God. Also he had no home and him and his family all had amnesia. Some important looking man came up to Lume and asked him and his family what their names were. A weird looking menu came up with a picture of Lume's face in it and a keyboard. Lume didn't change his name, but he called his wife "Tikiwinki", his eldest son "Cloud", another one "I was hungry and", and the youngest "Kunta Kintay" after his African relative.

The box disappeared and the old man told Lume where to buy a wagon. Lume went to buy a wagon but he was 50 coins short. The wagon owner told Lume… Suddenly I was hungry and caught malaria. Lume was pissed went to the item store. He bought an antidote so I was hungry and could be healed. I was hungry and was hungry and so was the rest of the family. Lume told everyone to shut up.

Lume needed coins to earn money to feed his family and buy a wagon so he killed a bunch of rats in a basement with a broadsword. He feed the family and started the journey on the Trail of Oregon.

Suddenly there was a level 15 blue dragon on the path. What were they to do? Attack, defend, item, run, or special skill. Lume was a level 5 bard but everyone knows bards suck. Cloud was a soldier with a huge sword, but he seemed to be waiting patiently for a little colored meter to fill. Kunta Kintay was offended by the word "colored". The dragon shot a laser beam and dealt all the party members 18 damage. Lume took out his harp and played a song trying to lull the blue dragon to sleep. This was utterly hopeless. Kunta Kintay used a mini gun on the blue dragon but missed. The blue dragon cast "magic stare" on Tikiwinki instantly turning her into stone. There was a retro beeping noise and Cloud's meter flashed. He chose limit break. Suddenly there was a flashing circle around his feet… oop, but he caught strep throat. I was hungry and used the cleric incantation resurrect ailment. It healed Cloud. The blue dragon used his bite attack and ripped off the top half of Cloud's body. Lume played a romantic song to try and charm the blue dragon but failed miserably. Kunta tried to run away but the blue dragon chopped off his left foot. Kunta became enraged for five turns. I was hungry and used the clerical incantation summon bright light with angel music. This dealt 20 holy damage to the blue dragon. The blue dragon cast icy breath on the remaining three members. I was hungry and became frozen while Kunta was able to evade the attack. Lume took a critical hit. He went into the item menu and searched for any healing items. They didn't have anything except left over Chinese food. Lume attacked Kunta and stopped him from being enraged. Kunta tried the run command again and succeeded. Lume followed.

Peaceful music filled the atmosphere as Kunta and Lume escaped the blue dragon battle. The rest of their party was dead so they ate the left over Chinese food. It tasted pretty good, but the next morning they both caught food poisoning and died.


End file.
